Sunday, October 22, 2000

argh. having trouble with changing/editing things on here, but that's okay, i'll figure it out later. procrastination. it's great. that's exactly what i'm doing right now, i'm putting off not one, but two, yes two essays. fortunately for me they're not due until tuesday. unfortunately for me i don't get home until 8:15 on monday nights. monday nights are soccer nights.

i've been noticing a trend in random people lately, including myself. ever feel like no matter what you do or how hard you try, you just really aren't important to anybody? that what you say isn't worth hearing, or what you do isn't worth noticing? it's sort of paranoic, like the more i think about and look for it, i find it more and more. i believe that's sort of the problem, that when we look for things we find them whether we want them or not. anyways, back to feeling low. actually, i don't really feel low right now, since i'm alone and far from these problems. it's when i get around people that i start to feel....like nothing. i nearly feel invisible sometimes. i've never been a really social person, and it's things like this that make me want to be really antisocial and to something crazy like--heaven forbid--not go out on a friday night,or ::gasp:: not talk on the phone, or the worst evil of them all.......not go to a football game or a school dance. enough. i'm done with that. by the way, that was not a specific reference to anyone, you'll know when it is.

soccer games can be brutal, especially with girls playing (I know this because i myself am a girl and i play soccer). although i know that soccer is a "contact sport", i start to wonder when enough is enough. for example, how much pushing or foul play is too much when the objective is to win the ball? should i resort to foul play if my intentions are merely to keep the ball away from the other players and not merely to put one of the other players in the hospital? because in soccer, every team is the "good guy" and every opposing team is the "bad guy". there's no way to measure justice really, it's all relative. just thoughts during my game today.

i'll write more later, if i can.....

Saturday, October 21, 2000

okay, so i didn't like my title b/c i am soooo bad at naming stuff (lack of creativity), so i decide to change it, and my ignorance of technology slaps me in the face once again. i cannot figure this out, but it better change by magic or something. maybe i can use my psychic powers on this one. i guess we'll see. anyways, i think the topic of parental stupidity would bring a lot of discussion here. but if i'm going to bitch out parents, it must be said that a lot of us teenagers are punks too sometimes, and maybe--just maybe--we deserve a litttttle bit of what we get. with that said, parents can be downright idiotic sometimes. like when they get mad at God-knows-what and then they decide that everything wrong with the world is your fault, especially the starving children in somolia. and what is with having a clean room ALL THE TIME? i told my mom that she didn't HAVE to look at it if the messiness bothered her, and guess what? she actually took my advice and stopped looking at it, and i do believe she is a lot less stressful. problem solved. now, onto those starving somolians.....
argh. my ignorance of the ways of the computer world are really frustrating me. it's my own fault for being such a dumbass. oh well. i just wrote a really nice (ok, that was a lie--it was decent) blog and i guess i didn't post it right. idiot. well, i wrote about dreams and science and the way that they conflict and how sad it is that science always seems to rule over the imagination. maybe that's only true for those of us (me) who have little to none imagination. I admit it, i am one of the many followers of the world. i'm not creative, or innovative, daring, unique, blah blah blah. although i am incredibly envious of those people it's shameful, i'd only be a worse follower for trying to be them myself, when i know that that's just not me, as much as i'd like it to be. so, is it better to be boring and stay true to who i am, or try to be somebody else? i think i'll settle for normal. normal=boring. being surrounded by these unique people, though, and purposefully exposing myself to different ideas, music, people, places, etc. does make me a little bit more cultured ( if nothing else) while still being me. it's nice to appreciate something different without having to feel obligated to be committed to it. do you understand?

I'm going to attempt to post this again, and i might come back later if i have an earth-shattering thought.